Saturday, November 08, 2008,3:44 pm
haha , blogged-surfed awhile.
and , its so inspiring to read Garett's blog.
he doesnt make bombastic and chimo statements despite being a great leader in HOGC.
he's so down-to-earth and very honest!
and i always thought , woah.
their spiritual level is like so FAR AWAY. such a quality level.
but he talks about how he's still growing.
he's still learning.
and i realised , yeah man.
they're still humans :x haha.
anyway, yesterday was the ever-so-awaited results day.
i wont say anything first, i'll describe how the day went! (:
morning was already horrible.
dad was on a pms rampage already.
basically telling me to hurry up and get out of the house practically.
when i only had to be in school by 2.
i was on the phone, and i think that made him even more pissed.
significant statements i remember him saying.
"i have so many things to do by 2pm, you think i have time for you meh?"
"you think the whole world going to stop for you uh?"
"so when yiling retains next year, you going to account for it?"
well, i dont know what i did to provoke him ,
cos i didnt even say anything ,
and sometimes i wonder,
does he hear himself speak?
cos im sure it must be his life mission to make his daughter feel like an insufficient loser.
so , having been thrown on the streets, hahaha .
i had to wonder about till 2pm.
but i decided to go to school early ,
AND IM SO THANKFUL
that yongxing was also there doing nothing .
did nothing nothing nothing ,
then val came ,
we continued to do nothing nothing nothing .
gentson came ,
and we did nothing nothing nothing .
then ! my classmates finally came to have our birthday celebration.
10 people's birthday! (i forgot to include my own)
it wasnt very significant.
as in , our class isnt like super bonded and united and all.
but , it was nice (:
a lychee cake and a chocolate cake.
which we had TONS left over.
and , we diecided to put them nicely in a box and give them to ms f and mrs teo.
hahaha .
then , finally the time came.
LT4.
to lighten mood , our cutest-most-amazing-principal-in-the-world mr kwek spoke first
as usual, he's so cute ! hahah ,
trying to act young and all .
totally unprofessional though you can see he's trying.
if i leave nyjc, i think i'll miss him alot! hahah.
well , he spoke seemingly inspiring and motivational things for an hour,
but , they did flash the results of each class.
my class?
we had ONE failure. ONE MAN.
seeing that number, i knew it was a possibility that it could be me.
sylvia and i were panicking.
i tried to falsely assure myself that it might not be me.
but you know that feeling where,
you just KNOW something's meant for you?
yeah, i had that feeling.
we then broke into our own individual classes.
and sitting beside weijian,
i knew , if it wasnt him, then it was me.
and seeing him to panicked and nervous.
i thought, he has more to lose actually.
and then,
when i saw him go "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
i knew it was me.
funny though,
i always talked about how i was prepared for it.
how i might even want it.
but,
visualising it, contemplating it.
and actually seeing it.
is entirely different.
i told myself not to cry, but i couldnt ):
of course i was sad.
i felt doors closing before my eyes, the thought of graduating next year gone.
the thought of being 0834 gone.
the thought of having to mark out another path.
i really didnt know what to do.
i know shar and the rest were trying to cheer me up.
and congrats to wanting for being most improved student .
MOST IMPROVED STUDENT leh!
but, it seriously didnt help.
i know they were happy it wasnt them.
and im happy for them too i guess.
had like , the longest talk with ms f.
i wanted to stay in the LT after just to cry it out.
but , saw siming and his friend inside.
and , i seriously dont want to cry in front of them.
well ,
life has to go on right ?
i know i have to look ahead.
i really admire the rest of the hogc nyjc gang.
people like peifen, darylseah, jianfan.
and people like yongxing.
they know where they want to go.
and they move on.
one thing im sure though.
the reason im not in some room going "WHY ! HOW !"
and feeling lost and vulnerable.
the reason why im not spiralling into depression like as if the whole world's turned upside-down.
is because i have God in me.
He gives me peace in my circumstance when it seems i have none.
i am assured that i can move on from this.
i know deep inside me that He will not forsake.
that i can assuredly say, is the difference(:
but , faith without works is dead.
and i need to have a plan!
on a brighter note.
yesterday was the first day of PASTOR KONG!(:
bus-ed with peifen there.
and im really glad i talked to her.
i really pray that she finds the peace she needs
and im so blessed to have a spiritual sister like her.
honestly.
im sad that my friends and siblings couldnt come today.
because it was really amazing.
it was an entirely different level.
i remember the times when i was in City Harvest.
and though i had quite bad impressions of it.
Pastor Kong's message always brought me breakthrough.
and would usually leave me in tears .
this one no different :x
haha , but i've come to respect him on a totally different level.
he's a real hero of faith.
and , i was so shocked to be a church builder!
HAHAHA .
silently happy of course.
the atmosphere there was much thicker !
woah man!
there's just too much details .
but , you really had to be there.
i feel it brought breakthrough to many people last night.
God really spoke.
but , i think i was quite distracted because of the results.
but still , awesome.
had to rush off ):
had a talk with my parents last night.
dont want to say more.
sometimes,
i just wished.
they response to my failures would be more understanding.
instead of just expectations, anger and sarcasm.
i really pray for the day that we work together for solutions.
not just their demanding , confliction one after another.
thats all i pray for.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Proverbs 3 :5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall make your paths straight"
heartofGodchurch